At times, we all do especially when you’ve been hurt. Afraid of letting others in. Questioning their hearts or motives behind it. Do you push God away or afraid of letting him in? Do you question what love is? I have.
I tend to try to bring people in close to me but I push them away instead. I don’t trust in their sincerity. That they could really care about me. I doubt that they could want to be friends with me. I want to be close to them.
I do trust certain people about what I tell them but feel more like I am a bother. I try to show them my love and my heart. Wanting them to show me that they care as well and believe it. I often wonder what people might see in me? I have a hard time making good friends. I’m trying to see and feel what is inside of me.
I’m trying to love me as I love others because I am good at putting others above myself. This is true even in forgiveness for those in my past. The sin they have committed against me isn’t as bad as the sin I committed. It was only against me so it’s not important. I can forgive them but look what I did… I carry the shame and put myself down. I’m the one to blame. I am less and they are more. I am used to being low or at the bottom.
I don’t want others to feel this low, this despair. I don’t want others to feel this way. I encourage others and lift them up because it’s a hard place to be in. When you feel depressed, in despair, and to be rejected. Not feeling worthy.
Feelings of being disconnected, like you are a million miles away. Not being able to feel close to anyone. A deep loneliness of feeling neglected and abandoned. Pushing through despair and vulnerability to reach out to others. It’s difficult but I’ve been doing it. Showing them how you are feeling so that you might find comfort.
Letting others see what you are going through and what’s on the inside. The hurt and the pain you carry deep inside you. Your darkest thoughts. Fears of rejection. Sometimes feels like if they see the real you inside, they might run. If one rejects you, maybe the other won’t. Figuring out what is inside of you, who you are. What is your reflection saying?
I want to portray strength but most times I am weak. I am beginning to show more and more of myself. I wonder what others perceive? What do I perceive? Am I saying way too much? Am I complaining too much that they may not want to talk to me…? Do they believe me?
Yes, I’ve been wrong. I’ve made numerous mistakes. I’m imperfect. I’m like you and everyone else. I have struggles. I don’t know how many times I feel weak. I fall the I get back up. I continue to fight this battle. The battles of this life and what is thrown at me in this broken world. We all do. This is normal.
I need encouragement just as you do. I need to be lifted up like everyone else. I need love and to feel wanted. Most of all, I know I need Jesus Christ as my Savior. As I fall short a lot, perhaps daily. We all do. I am only human like you are. We look for affirmations in our lives. When it is Jesus who affirms us in his death. The only one we need. His love and his grace are sufficient for us. All of us.
I struggle with, “Am I worthy?” I think we all feel this way at some point or another. Do others accept me? Could God accept me and love me? Do I deserve love? God thinks you are enough. Enough to die for. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 16:14, “Do everything in love.” Out of God’s love for you, He gave his only begotten son for your sins and the sins of the world.” John 3:16. Jesus name is Yeshua which means Savior, to rescue, to deliver in Hebrew.
Anyone who accepts Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior can be saved. Everyone regardless of their past. If they are willing to follow the Lord and put his commands into practice.
The Bible teaches us to “Love your neighbors as yourself.” In Matthew 22:39. You need to love yourself as you love your neighbors as well. We cannot love others if we do not love ourselves. Matthew 22:37 says, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” It’s all about God. God is all about love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “These three remain – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.” Love endures forever.
What is love? If your anything like me, you might have not been shown how to love properly. For one, love is God giving you his only Son to die and pay for all our sins. Yours and mine. The Bible teaches us what love is. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has on one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friend.” Which is exactly what Jesus did.
The Bible teaches us more about love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 says, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” God’s love is perfect. We need to put our trust in Him. He will not hurt you like other people. God is all of these things listed above. God is the perfect father, son, brother, mother, etc. When you experience God’s love, you will no longer fear. 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” This means we have not fully experienced God’s great love.
I ask, what are you waiting for? Why are you still searching for love? God’s love is right here waiting for you to accept it. God’s faithful love endures forever. Psalm 136:1 – “Give thanks to the Lord for he is good. For his steadfast love endures forever.” God is love. Right now, you might not be able to see it. 1 Corinthians 13:12 states, “Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know is partial and incomplete but then I will know everything completely. Just as God knows me completely.” God knows you. He loves you. He knows everything. You can’t see him through all the hurt and the pain. I can assure you his arms and hands are wide open. Won’t you welcome him in? God is the one knocking on your door of your heart. Pulling on your heart strings. If you let his love inside, he will show you that you are wanted. His treasure. You belong to him. God is here in this moment singing over you. Wouldn’t you love to see through his eyes? You are enough. Jesus makes you worthy. All he wants is your heart. Continuing to live the way you are living will not help you. It will only hinder you. Take a step out into faith. Go for it! You have nothing to lose and much to gain. Believe me.